Sometimes, I just want to fly

In less than 3 hours, I'll be leaving with my mother for the airport. I'm excited - and relieved. Has this day finally come? Am I finally going back to Malaysia? Yes -- and I am happy.

I love airports, airplanes, and flying. The miracle of soaring across the skies, across vast distances, across oceans in mere hours - how is it possible? It shouldn't be, but it is, and it's amazing. I never cease to wonder at how lucky I am to be able to travel.

I haven't finished packing yet actually. But I'm taking a break, heh. All I have left to do is just to shove a few last minute things into my bag.

I've been anxious about this holiday, honestly. Excited, of course -- but very worried. How will things go?

But I'll put aside my worries, and enjoy what I can -- that's all I can do now, isn't it?

I'll be getting the Great Haircut of 2009 tomorrow, on Friday -- and I still haven't figured out what hairstyle I want. I'll just hope my hairstylist is very flashbang and knows what to do to make me look fabulous.

Um, okay, if you guys see me with my fringe pinned up and away, then you know it was a disaster, and should give me a comforting hug.

That reminds me, I need to pack bobby pins and hairclips.

On Saturday, I'll be visiting the cemetery, and then his family. That's really the day I'm most worried about. I don't know if I want to allow myself to break down. And I also don't know whether I'm capable of breaking down anymore.

But I'll just let things be.

I won't have access to the internet in Malaysia -- but when I do, I'm going to be updating this blog a lot. Why? Numerous reasons:

1) Document how I'm feeling, what's happened (and maybe I'll actually post up some pictures, whoa)

2) Update Rachel on everything

3) Remind myself that I'm still alive.

Rachel: DON'T BURN DOWN THE HOUSE PLZKTHX. Don't over-download and keep checking at MyUsage, okay? I'll update this blog whenever I can so that you won't be so Roanne-deprived. Will post pics for you too! Okok? Talk to me via facebook. Wall spam me. Wall spam is good. I like wall spams. Be careful, don't do anything stupid, don't go out so much and catch swine flu. Have a good 16 days without me and mom! Careful, okay?

The fears and worries and emotions keep building up - what am I supposed to do with them? Maybe one of these 16 days will carry the answer for me. If it doesn't, then time will soothe me. Here's to me reclaiming a little bit of myself again. Here's to a fantastic 6 days in Malaysia, and 10 in Taiwan! Here's to life.

Here's to you, Vern.