I HATE BLOGGER

I HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGER
I HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGER
I HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGER
I HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGER
I HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGER
I HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGER

...I love being a Christian, Kudos to Julian, tango Satan, blah blah blah.

I HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGER
I HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGER
I HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGERI HATE BLOGGER

the bubbles on top of my milo looks so pretty....

Fudge it. I typed out a long post and got it deleted by accident. Fudge.

I am completely healthy. Just need to relax and rest more.

3 happy things today

1. I am completely healthy. HAHA TO YOU, DIABETES!
2. Milo + cereal squares = love
3. Almost mastered D chord on guitar. just need to press a little harder to stop buzzing.

I have a something to confess. It's kind of a secret I've been keeping to myself for some time...frankly, I was a little ashamed of myself. I mean, I never thought I would...feel this way. But I've come to terms with it. So I shall share it with you guys.

I love Phil Collins's music. =O

I know. I know. "OMG YOU LIKE OLD MEN SONGS AHHA SUCKER"

But it's not MY fault he makes such awesome songs. Harumph. So many classics from this awesome man. So many original ands covers that I love.

My mama said
You cant hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take...

Ladies and gentlemen, I've made a record today. I took - guess how long - to shower today. Take a guess. My usual one hour? No. 40 minutes? Nope. 30? Nah. 15? YES!
Yes, I somehow managed to take only 15 minutes to shower today. That's only...1/4 of my usual showering time. Someone high five me and my awesomeness.

It's getting hotter here. Right now, since it's nighttime, it's a nice coolish-warm temperature. But earlier in the afternoon, it was drier and warmer. Ick.

I'll get my blood test results back on Thursday. I dunno whether I'm hoping that it's all ok, or there's something wrong.

PROS of the day:

• 15 MINUTES!
• Not so cold
• I think - think - my old pop bought me a PS3 today! Cause he called me, and asked me what our TV brand was. He wanted to see whether he should buy the additional cables for the PS3 for HDMI thinggy-winggy. I am so pathetic when it comes to HDTV or whateverHDMIisrelatedto.
• Went for a good walk with Rachel in the park today. Doggies everywhere! Yay! One doggy came up to me and licked my hand, and was so friendly and happy, and jumped on me. <3

CONS of the day:

• Kinda hot. :(
• School tomorrow
• My laptop is dying. My faithful, trustworthy baby has been getting more and more errors and problems lately. Yesterday, the screen suddenly went black. Then, white, green and red pixels begin slowly and steadily appearing. It was kinda cool looking actually, but it freaked me out. My laptop is already nearing 4 years old, so I'm quite proud of its life and its service. All hail my great laptop. It deserves to finally rest. The problem, however, is me getting another laptop...old pop wouldn't like dishing out extra cash after buying me a PS3. :(
• School tomorrow
• School tomorrow
• School tomorrow

Goodnight.

I feel constantly tired. Every morning I wake up, instead of feeling refreshed, I feel like I've carried over yesterday's baggage. Everything I do just makes it worse. Everything I don't do makes it worse.

I feel so tired so often. Not every day. Some days I'm okay. But for the past few months, it's more often that I feel so fatigued than me feeling energetic. Nothing wakes me up. Loud music, my favorite show, playing the piano, going for a jog. Not even sugar.

I really am to tired to do anything. Even just thinking makes me tired. Talking soothes me a bit, but I always need a reprieve soon after that. Studying is just so hard. I find my mind wandering, and I can't concentrate on anything. It takes me hours to do something that sould only take 15 minutes.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Rachel's going to take me to the doctor tomorrow to see what she (yay for female doctors) says. I have a feeling she's just going to say that I need to sleep more. Or eat healthier. Or something that I already am trying to do.

This will sound stupid, but I want the doctor to diagnose something more serious. Like anemia. Or diabetes (which I'm actually at risk of getting since my grandpop has it). Or even depression. Anything. Cause then I'll know I'm not just a pathetic loser.

I really hate this. Whatever this is. I lie down to rest for just a few seconds, rise up and realize that hours has passed. And I'm still tired.

My sleep is always heavy, yet disturbed. No noise can wake me up, but I just find myself waking up constantly in the middle of night for no reason. No nightmares, no noises, nothing. I just wake up for no reason.

Typing is easy though. Hahahah. Like second nature already.

Time really depresses me. It passes so quickly, yet I never seem to get anywhere during it. I'm reading a passage, and takes me five minutes just to finish a sentence. My sleeping hours just seem so short. Despite the fact that I often lie in for, like, 12 hours on the weekends. It doesn't seem enough.

I have so little motivation to do anything. Most of what I do is either a necessity, or because I'm forcing myself to. I'm just too tired to want anything.

I never had headaches before this year. Seriously. I was so awesome that way. :) But this year, especially in the past few months, I've been getting them more frequently. I just want them to go away.

I'm just so tired. I really miss my dad nowadays. I don't know...I just wish he was here. He use to sing me a lullaby before I sleep. Chinese lullaby. Hah...it was kinda funny, but peaceful at the same time. I never once fell asleep while he was singing though. It wasn't sleep-inducing. It just calmed me and told me that he was there.

I want to sleep. I want to cry. I want to laugh. All at the same time. I don't know what's wrong with me. Hopefully, the doctor tomorrow will.

F.I.R. IS AWESOME!

WO DE WEI XIAO NI MING BAI JIU HEN HAO.

...:)

(oh gosh i'm lame)

I think my dad likes this band also, cause I remember hearing him play some songs before. I think.

Maybe I can persuade him to buy the CDs. He probably will agree anyway...he approves of me learning Chinese in any way possible. Heheheheheheheheh.

WO YAO FEI

WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

~~~high on life~~~

okay, I have no idea how to add a freaking shoutbox

the tutorial thinggy (http://www.shoutmix.com/main/help.php?view=Guides/blogger) says some rubbish about page elements. But I don't get that page. It brings me to the Edit Html page instead.

WHAT DO I DO, GUYS?

regrettable paris

I hate checking people's blogs. I really hate it. I hate reading all the posts, long or short, and seeing the pictures. Especially the pictures.
a
Every post that details what happened during the day and every picture that shows what happened is a spoonful of misery for me.

No, nothing bad happened today. Everything went jolly fine, in fact. Mom didn't nag, Mom and Rachel didn't argue, I managed to get some work done, I cleaned up my laptop a bit, had fun on the piano, the whole nine yards. I'm not even listening to emo music. Unless you somehow think disco music is emo. In which case, you suck.

But reading the blogs...made me mournful.

Change.
change.
changE
cHANGe.

In all forms, in all styles, the word scares me. The very thought of it frightens me. I use to be afraid of it affecting me. Now, not so much.

But change that occurs without me being there to witness it...that is my new fear.

I miss everyone. I miss Nina. She's gone to Idaho now. Who the heck lives in Idaho. I forgot it was even a state. Now I just have to meet a person from Wyoming, and I can die peacefully. Somewhat.

Aunty Sharon got married! Good Lord, MARRIED. About time. She looked so pretty...in the photos.

So many things. So many changes. Weddings, farewells, birthdays, everything. And I'm not there to see it happen.

Even for people I don't know. Who I don't know because I'm not there.

Haha, mock emo post. It sounds a lot more emo than I really am.

But yeah, a lot of regrets. Moments of regrets snowballing into a lifetime of regret. Lost opportunities, bad choices and mistakes, broken dreams and hopes. Already at fourteen, the realization of half-failure and half-victory has sunken in. I will not achieve all of my dreams. I have lost many golden, shining opportunities for me to bloom and blossom. I lie here, now, pondering as to what to do.

One door shuts, another opens. But I must switch off the TV, get off the couch, and make my way towards the door before anything can happen.

I have so many dreams and wishes. And I, with my own foul choices, have broken so many of them. It is too late to fix them.

Now, this is an emo post. Bah.

On the brighter side, I'm trying to add a shoutbox. Wait up, people, and get ready to chat away in a wee-little box!