I hate checking people's blogs. I really hate it. I hate reading all the posts, long or short, and seeing the pictures. Especially the pictures.
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Every post that details what happened during the day and every picture that shows what happened is a spoonful of misery for me.
No, nothing bad happened today. Everything went jolly fine, in fact. Mom didn't nag, Mom and Rachel didn't argue, I managed to get some work done, I cleaned up my laptop a bit, had fun on the piano, the whole nine yards. I'm not even listening to emo music. Unless you somehow think disco music is emo. In which case, you suck.
But reading the blogs...made me mournful.
Change.
change.
changE
cHANGe.
In all forms, in all styles, the word scares me. The very thought of it frightens me. I use to be afraid of it affecting me. Now, not so much.
But change that occurs without me being there to witness it...that is my new fear.
I miss everyone. I miss Nina. She's gone to Idaho now. Who the heck lives in Idaho. I forgot it was even a state. Now I just have to meet a person from Wyoming, and I can die peacefully. Somewhat.
Aunty Sharon got married! Good Lord, MARRIED. About time. She looked so pretty...in the photos.
So many things. So many changes. Weddings, farewells, birthdays, everything. And I'm not there to see it happen.
Even for people I don't know. Who I don't know because I'm not there.
Haha, mock emo post. It sounds a lot more emo than I really am.
But yeah, a lot of regrets. Moments of regrets snowballing into a lifetime of regret. Lost opportunities, bad choices and mistakes, broken dreams and hopes. Already at fourteen, the realization of half-failure and half-victory has sunken in. I will not achieve all of my dreams. I have lost many golden, shining opportunities for me to bloom and blossom. I lie here, now, pondering as to what to do.
One door shuts, another opens. But I must switch off the TV, get off the couch, and make my way towards the door before anything can happen.
I have so many dreams and wishes. And I, with my own foul choices, have broken so many of them. It is too late to fix them.
Now, this is an emo post. Bah.
On the brighter side, I'm trying to add a shoutbox. Wait up, people, and get ready to chat away in a wee-little box!
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1 comment:
haha! gosh, I'm irritating aren't I? I just have to hav my say, I feel like your mom well actually like your sis! kidding Rachel! well anyway, i normally do hate reading other people's blogs, but honestly you know, you have one of the most interesting blogs I know. Keep it up, it bothers me to read posts of ding a ling and popped up cheeks of happy people with really no emotion said or revealed, it kinda makes you feel (Damn I don't even know this person.) but whatev. and no offense to those people. realism, drama, it actually helps you know that there are other people out there who feel the same way you do. A very personalized blog, but that can be costly. (ignore that). Guess what tho, all those events you spoke of, wasn't really great for me without you there. Things in my life really changed a lot ever since we parted. I think I almost forgot how to make fun of myself. Really that is almost like not knowing the definition of fun, do u see how bad that is? seriously not to be regretted. you're story seems to be in aussie, and mine in the state you forgot abt. Well hopefully, if God allows, I totally want to visit you once you've dismissed that biassed Idaho attitude! what's with that?
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