how to be happy

I've yet to figure this out.

Like some woodland creature in its native habitat, it's adept at eluding me. I will catch glimpses of it, I will hear the earth it shakes and the twigs it snaps, I will smell its breathy scent, and I will at times feel as though I am in fact touching it.

But moments like those fade in an instant, and I'm left staring at my palms blankly, so sure that I was holding something tangible only seconds earlier.

It's a wispy notion that I want to capture and drown in.

But for now, I've constructed a series of steps that I believe I can use to achieve this end-goal.

1) Wake up to beautiful things. Open my eyes, and whether it be through my window in the ceiling or the glassy screen of my iPad, see something beautiful (in looks, in spirit, in intention) to start my day.

2) For even just one minute, sit in silence and bask in the world of daydreams. No hindrance from people, music, chores, homework, loneliness.

3) Start things early to avoid stress. Last-minute panic is a magnificent source of adrenaline and productivity. And stress. Avoid.

4) Write. Anything. Everything. Happiness and sadness, fantastic and vulgar, realistic and painful, condense every thought into a series of words that somehow align themselves into a coherent sentence (despite how jumbled it feels in my head).

5) Think of the future, and realize that I have a place in them. Though I do not feel I belong in the present, I have the future to hope for. I may not belong now, but one day, I will find some niche that I can burrow in comfortably.

Solitude is a gift, and loneliness is grief.

6) Wonders abound! Go forth and look for them. North, south, east, and west. Go. Unrestrain yourself from the chains of fear and reality, and go.

7) Be healthy. Eat well, sleep well, and exercise well.

8) Move to a place where there is no winter.

9) Drink more water.

10) Be fantastic. In every shape and every form, be fantastic, and forget the confines of my earthly cage. Forget the looks and the thoughts of my peers, and realize that all I have is one shot to die, and I ought to make it worth it.

All these steps are meant to direct me towards an end-goal. Which, of course, means that I should understand what this end-goal is. This requires me to answer another question:

what does it mean to be happy?

I have yet to figure this out too.